Slip Into This Luxurious Unitard. Silk? Actually, It’s Made From Free Trade Organic Hagfish Slime

You want to go green with your clothing purchase? Hagfish slime. You want a versatile, reproducible product that has the luxurious feel of silk, plus the allure of hagfish slime, then skip the middleman. Go right to the slime. But if you want to go big, go synthetic slime. Slime clothes grown in a lab? Coming Soon. Hagfish Choking Out Predators? It’s Like the Anderson Silva of Gill-Choking Slime.

Instead of Spandex, slip into some Slimex. It NEVER makes you look fat.