Fifty State Banana

Stuff About Things


Dreams, my orphanage of alternate realities. I collect them here.

When I was a child, I had falling dreams, but I overcame them by allowing myself to hit the ground, remaining calm. My ability to maintain perspective in dream state and create lucid dreams fueled my imagination further. In college, I used to plan out research papers in my dreams, awake, and write them down with relative ease.

Looking back on the papers, I see the surreal quality this method gave them. Many are awash in the obsessions which drove me at that time in my life. Certain topics and allegorical structures are analogous to my dreams. Taking primacy in nearly all my papers was the  agonizing curiosity about neutrinos that I had. I wrote about neutrinos in 19th century literature studies. I wrote about them in Native American religion  studies, in occult literature, in advanced Spanish, in my writing workshops.

I attempted to use neutrino research as a way to describe other phenomena, but because they were regarded as phantoms, more or less, my papers were  troubled with indeterminacy, and no matter how much structure I applied to a topic, I found perspectives in critical analysis which annihilated any coherent singularity of truth about anything. At the same time, because neutrinos were, if anything, ubiquitous, pervasive, indomitable, and free, I found that hitching rides on the concepts of neutrinos to take me into areas of research into topics where conjecture ceased to exist, and invitations for fiction and speculation condensed like cloying fog. I thought of neutrinos as dreams existing in the relatively empty space we inhabit, but dreams originating from other dimensions. Fantasy.

I like dreams. I’ll be taking care of them here. I’ll give them puzzles and troubles to while away the whiles, so onward I wonder and ponder and so on and so forth.

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