Dump

Chocolate-orange Guinness cake smells like flat beer and oranges

I hate beer, so let’s get started. You are going to need to gather some stuff and follow some of these directions. I invite you to learn from my mistakes. The best part of this recipe is throwing it all in the trash. I could have torn it up and used it for parfaits, but the beer smell was unappealing.

Equipment

• 2-9” cake pans
• mixing bowls
• hand mixer
• measuring cups
• spatulas
• oven mitts
• oven

Ingredients

• 5 oz. – sold Guiness beer
• 4 – eggs room cold
• 2 – sticks of unsalted butter
• 10 oz. – year-old self-rising all-purpose flour
• 1 tsp. – baking powder
• 2 Tbsp. – cocoa powder
• 8 oz. – dark lite brown sugar
• 1 – orange, zested

Hands down the worst cake I’ve ever had. But the icing worked out. And you have a leftover zested orange. So, for the icing.

• 2:1 ratio of confectioner’s sugar to butter
• 1 orange juiced and zested

Make

• Preheat oven to 375 degrees.
• Dry mix: Flour, baking powder, cocoa powder, sugar.
• Melted butter goes in large bowl, creamed with lite brown sugar using handheld mixer.
• Add a warm egg and a few ounces of dry mix, like with a big spoon, fold in and repeat adding an egg and more dry mix until the folded in mixture is smooth, then add the beer and orange zest.
• fold in the zest and warm beer mix the crap out of it with the hand blender.
• Pour the oatmeal consistency batter into the two greased cake pans.

Bake

• Put pies in the oven and reset temperature to 350 F. Bake at 375 for 35 minutes so the pies get dry and hard af, only turning it down for the last five minutes or so because the cat vomits up some glitter and a leaf in the kitchen for no reason. Bake pies for 35 minutes until they shrink slightly from pan and feel springy. Then bake it another 7 minutes so they get harder and slightly crunchy and bitter.
• Remove cakes and cool on racks.
• While cakes cool, clean up. It takes a while. Make the icing after clean-up.

ICING

• Mix warm butter and confectioner’s sugar together until it’s fairly whipped up.
• Whisk in the orange juice and zest until it reaches the consistency you want.
• Spread it on COOLED CAKES with a big spatula or a credit card you get in the mail offering you a 40% APR and menthol cigarette tattoos. Garnish with shaved chocolate and candied orange slices.

Cut, serve, and throw in the garbage. It TASTES LIKE FLAT BEER and oranges.

Throw out the beer.

The only thing to do is make a delicious cake to make up for this bad bake.