I dreamed of Alan Watts from my earliest amusements, a dream masquerading briefly as a flesh and blood human being, an interloper of a slightly sorrowful and courageous persuasion who, having abandoned ego, was free to be.
When i was young I had dreams of falling, and would awake terrified, soaked in sweat, having snapped awake to avoid “landing” in a dream. One day I decided if I should fall, then I should really fall, and let myself go. So, I fell, from a terrific height, in my dream. I fell from the acme of a loop, upside down in a coaster shaped like an open slipper. I slipped from the coaster like one stepping from house shoes. I welcomed the coming fall, and I fell. I landed. I never had another falling dream. I could reach earth anytime I desired. But in dreams, the other worlds I encountered and manifested with my dreary issues enchanted me.
I came to understand the importance of my dreaming life. It was a tool I could…explore. Exploration was, in fact, the purpose. So, when I am awake, doing my thing, it is for this reason that I am so odd, so driven to study peculiar phenomena. My dreams are my life. This zip code in which I live, this routine, this banal socioeconomic strata in which my commonplace skills, histrionics and memories are not very unusual, not very important. I became subversive the moment I realized my life, my life was nothing but a role, but my dreams were my opening unto eternity’s limitless wonders.
I drink tea in the afternoon on the veranda and think this. But, what Alan doesn’t mention is that once awakened, Janus, the god of doorways, has ushered dreams into my life. Other dreams I don’t control.
I let go of my fears when I – in deciding to face my fears and let go – willingly left Earth headfirst in order to reach the unknown Earth that could no longer know my fear, only my curiosity and amusement. When I felt myself come to rest upon the Earth in my dream, I was no longer asleep, though I was dreaming. There is no difference between dreaming and living. I realize it sounds psychotic. I’m not a fan of labels. Names and labels don’t educate. They tell me what is known, not what is unknown, about a thing. Which is more interesting?