Recipe – Rando Pie – Fifty State Banana

This was made from stuff in my pantry for the other members of my bowling team who wear unitards and stay cut like film. I don’t use a recipe.

I will give you the ingredients and prep. Oven at 380. Prep 15 min. Cook one hour. Then a story about Batman.

ingredients

2/3 stick butter
1 cup lite brown sugar
1 cup flour
salt
cinnamon
dregs of cereal boxes
About a half dozen stale fig Newtons
bit of oil
a bit of salt
a can of cranberry sauce
a brown banana
a handful of flavored instant oats (strawberry and cream)
Twinkie.

prep

you need bowls and a pie pan, fork, knife, spoon, spatula, piece of foil

For the crust, mix the cookies and cereal with 1/3 stick of butter and 1/2 cup sugar.
Next, line a buttered shallow pie pan with the mixture 1/4-1/2 inch thick.
Build the pie crust and then put the pan in the fridge.
Combine the cylinder of canned cranberry sauce, peeled banana, 1/2 cup sugar, oats, and Twinkie in a bowl and smash it up until it’s a pink gooey paste, set aside.

top crust

Combine flour, maybe a Tbsp of butter, Tbsp of salt, teaspoon of cinnamon and tsp salt in large mixing bowl, mix and coat the bowl with the smooth batter. Now place immediately in freezer. Wait ten minutes.

Remove the chilled crust and pie top from fridge/freezer.
Check crust for any gaps, plug with a piece of frozen top crust.
Use spatula to pour filling into crusted pan.
Use a paring knife to slice the chilled top crust lining the bowl into thin strips.
Use a spoon to chip the strips off the bowl, build a lattice on top of the pie. If it looks bad, buy a fancier paper plate set for the league.

bake 380 for 50 minutes

The knuckles of the top dough will brown. That’s what you want.

bake ten minutes covered with a piece of foil on it in case it’s very brown

Remove from oven.

Batman would remove the bubbling hot pie from the oven with his gloves. Show off! Use a butler.

cool on counter

So, if you don’t have any sprinkles, go get some, she stood you up, sprinkles make it better.

slice and serve

A villain called [redacted] wrapped everything in cling wrap, so I couldn’t move. He robbed everyone in Shoney’s in a matter of seconds before he fled in a helicopter.

My paramour freed us all, ordered my food to go and talked about his nephew’s speed and agility training for the Olympic prelims. I just nodded and smiled. He asked me out again. Why was he crushing on me? I nodded and smiled. He took bait.

When he somersaulted up through the open skylight, though, he must have misjudged his trajectory because he took out the chandelier. It hit me on the head in a shower of 1x8s and cheap drywall. While I was in the hospital he fixed up my condo.

He’s still sore about the third time I stood him up. I remind Batman as I so often do, gently, that I was in a coma that entire month, and he was in Pasadena with his bowling team, which is a lie, but the phrase triggers his need to go to the Batcave. I’ve heard stories from the league wives.

Tracking his movements proved no difficulty. It was the smell. The cave is caked in guano. He smells like a corpse pickled in windex. It literally makes your eyes water.

We just go in and do things like take a dump in his guest bathroom and not flush. Steal only the condiments on one shelf of his refrigerator, remove the ink from all the pens. Stuff that drives him batty. Keeps him on his toes.

Use a pie saver to reduce the shelf life of your pie to fifty milliseconds.